


No Strings Attached!

by strwberrycake



Category: Hyouka & Kotenbu Series
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Love/Hate, Post-Break Up, Revenge, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 17:37:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15029726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberrycake/pseuds/strwberrycake
Summary: When Houtarou Oreki and Chitanda Eru break up, conveniently at the same time you break up with your boyfriend, will broken hearts find a way to heal within each other?





	No Strings Attached!

You hate him.

 

You absolutely _loathe_ him.

 

You hate him with every fiber of your being.

 

You hate his dark hair, you hate his green eyes, you hate his passive manner of just about everything. You hate his “energy-conserving” attitude. You hate how he has no passion, no drive, no life in his eyes.

 

You hate him.

 

So, if you hate him, why were you on a date with him right now?

 

You could explain why you were sitting across from him in a small cafe, killing time before having plans to go watch a movie.

 

Never in your wildest nightmares did you ever think you would be caught in this position.

 

About a month ago, Eru Chitanda broke up with Houtarou Oreki.  

 

It wrecked Houtarou. He became even more passive, even more bored, even more… lifeless. He would just stare out the classroom window all day, a blank look in his eyes.

 

He quit the Classic Lit club. It became too much for him to bear (well his excuse for it was that it “took too much energy” to be friends with Chitanda after everything). He really loved that girl. He could never say no to her. Due to that flaw, Houtarou ended up causing his own downfall. One day, Chitanda asked something of Houtarou that he— no matter how much he tried— couldn’t say no to. She asked to break up with him. They had been together for a while, almost a year and a half. Going against his own wishes, he gave in, and set her free. They broke up.

 

You noticed that Houtarou, after getting to know, and spend time with Chitanda, changed. He was more active, he spoke more, his eyes even seemed to sparkle at times. He was still passive and listless, but after being with Chitanda, he was more involved in life.

 

Of course, the breakup was a huge setback for him. Any chance for him to change his ways was gone. He was even worse than before Chitanda. He limited his communication to nods and shaking his head, and sometimes conveying his thoughts through his facial expressions. He spoke less with Satoshi, and even less with Mayaka. He would limit his time outside. His routine consisted of attending school, and going back home immediately after. He would spend hours in his room, only ever coming out to eat dinner, and retreating back to his room as quickly as he appeared.

 

His eyes were completely void of life. He didn’t have anything to strive for anymore. At least with Chitanda, she always pushed him out of his comfort zone, but now here he was. Empty.

 

So, again, why were you here on a date with Houtarou?

 

Conveniently, you had just been dumped by your boyfriend of two years.

 

It wasn’t a dramatic breakup. It was rather pathetic, and that only served to anger you more. That guy had said he loved you. He was your first kiss. Your first everything. Even gracing you with being your first heartbreak.

 

To add to your anger, it was over a text message.

 

_“I think we should breakup.”_

 

You tried. You tried to make him stay, to reason with him. The fact of the matter was that he got bored. He just didn’t want you anymore. There was no way you could talk through something like that. So, despite your hurt and anger, you let him go. You blocked him, and cut him out of your life like he was never there in the first place.

 

Conveniently, in the same week your ex broke up with you, Chitanda broke up with Houtarou.

 

Even more conveniently, a week after, you saw your ex and Chitanda, _holding hands._

 

How convenient.

 

You had always hated Houtarou. His demeanor, his attitude. Nothing about him caught your eye, or appealed to you. There was no specific reason as to why you hated him. You just _did._ It was annoying how utterly lifeless he was.

 

You were driven. When something caught your attention, you always went in full force, passionate. Houtarou was the complete opposite of you, and you couldn’t stand him for it.

 

Maybe a week or two after realizing you were replaced, you happened to run into Houtarou on your way home from school.

 

The both of you had only interacted a handful of times, mostly because you avoided any possibility of it. If for some reason you were partnered up with him for something, you always managed to coax your way out of it. However, the most vivid interaction with him that you could think of was the one day you were both in charge of cleaning duty. Everyone else had something to do, so it was just the two of you.

 

He did his job. He did it well. He didn’t complain. He didn’t talk. Sometimes he would pause and stare out the window into the courtyard, but that didn’t bother you too much. What bothered you though, was that Chitanda soon appeared in the courtyard, catching Houtarou’s attention. He watched her with intent, focused eyes. Watching her every movement.

 

“You really like her, huh?”

 

You finally spoke up, just wanting to confirm your thoughts.

 

Houtarou’s eyes lingered on Chitanda for a second more, before facing you. He thought about the question for a moment, and shrugged.

 

“I guess you could say that.”

 

You didn’t say anything anymore. The both of you finished up, and went on your seperate ways.

 

You didn’t like him. Not at all. How could someone not be sure of their emotions for someone else like that? So passive. So unsure. It was almost insulting.

 

After that, you both went on with your lives. You with your boyfriend, his with his girlfriend.

 

Then the breakup. Then you ran into Houtarou one more time.

 

He was the first one to speak up this time around.

 

“How are you dealing with it?”

 

It was a simple question, and you knew exactly what he was talking about, but you didn’t want to feed into this becoming a real conversation.

 

“Huh?”

 

“The breakup. Them. Him. With her.”

 

You stayed quiet. You chose to just ignore him. You didn’t really feel like talking about your emotions, and especially with this apathetic boy.

 

He gave you a few moments of silence. Then he spoke up again.

 

“Do you want to grab a coffee? I’ll pay.”

 

You were surprised, to say the least. However, a coffee sounded real good in that moment. You decided to take him up on the offer. You didn’t imagine it would do much harm.

Then you were both off. Apparently he knew of a very nice, very warm, very cozy, cafe with some mean coffee.

 

You liked the place. At least, you both had that in common. You adored cafe’s.

 

You both found a booth, ordered, and sat in silence for a bit.

 

This time, you spoke up.

 

“Why are you doing this?”

 

He glanced over at you, emerald eyes neutral, and tired-looking.

 

“I felt like it.”

 

That response was so like him.

 

You simply sighed, looked out the window, and looked at him again.

 

“How are you dealing with it?”

 

“You want me to be honest?”

 

“Well I didn’t ask you to lie to me.”

 

He chuckled, it was weak and quiet, but he chuckled.

 

“I’m angry. I know I don’t show it. It’s too much of an effort to show it, but I am. I’m very angry.”

 

You were surprised. You hated this guy for being so emotionless, yet here he was, letting you in on his emotions you didn’t think he had.

 

“Me too.”

 

He looked at you. His green eyes finally showing some sign of emotion. They almost looked… _brighter_.

 

“It must sound terrible, but I’m glad you are.”

 

That made you laugh. You hated him for being so listless, but you guessed he had his quirks.

 

“Why?”

 

“I thought if you were angry, I would be allowed to be angry too. I was kinda feeling guilty about being angry. I mean, I was the one who let her go.”

 

He shifted his gaze to his hands clasped on the table, his long brown hair shielded his eyes from you.

 

You softened a little, you hated to admit it, but you felt bad for him.

 

“Of course you’re allowed to be angry.”

 

His fingers twitched at the comment.

 

“Even without my “permission”—I guess—you’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to feel things, y’know. You’re only human, after all.”

 

He didn’t say anything for a minute. You thought that maybe you had scared him off or something, so you directed your attention to the details of the cafe. It was quaint, and comfortable. There were fairy lights decorating the ceiling, lots of wooden accents throughout the room, and antique figurines. It was very cute. If you were in a different situation, with different circumstances, you probably would’ve enjoyed the environment more.

 

“Thank you.”

 

It was quiet, and hushed— almost hesitant, unsure.

 

Your eyes snapped to the boy in front of you. His eyes were still focused on his hands, but he seemed more relaxed somehow.

 

You hummed a passive response, and watched him for a little while.

 

He was quite nice to look at, you had to admit. You couldn’t pinpoint why you didn’t like him so much, but his looks were another matter. His hair was long, and unkempt, but it fit him. It was wild and thick, just the way you secretly liked it. His eyes had the ability to be breathtaking. Although, usually they were lifeless, sometimes they glistened, and shined. Only sometimes. The few times you actually caught a glimpse of them in that state was when he was with Chitanda. They haven’t glowed like that since then.

 

“You don’t seem to like me very much.”

 

You raised your eyebrows at that. It’s not like you went around telling everyone how much you hated Houtarou Oreki, but thinking on it, you probably did make it obvious without knowing it. You felt a little embarrassed. You didn’t want to offend him or anything, you just didn’t want anything to do with him.

“W-well…”

 

Your eyes flickered around the room, focusing on anything other than him. How were you going to cover this up?

 

“It’s okay. I’m not a big fan of you, either.”

 

Your eyes landed back on his in disbelief. Your lips curled up in an amused grin, holding back a laugh.

 

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

 

Houtarou straightened up, and looked off to the side casually.

 

“You… make me feel inferior. I don’t like that.”

 

Wow, he was growing in big strides. This time you didn’t hold back, and laughed heartily. You laughed so much, so honestly, you grew tears in your eyes.

 

“H-Hey! Quiet down! People are staring!”

 

His hushed scolding only made you laugh more, but you decided to calm down upon seeing that he was growing embarrassed, and had a soft pink tint on his cheeks. You sighed contently, after calming down. You hadn’t laughed that genuinely in a long time.

 

Houtarou refused to acknowledge you, he kept his attention plastered to the side. He had to apologize to the cafe’s customers, and it’s workers, because of you. The thought of it made you giggle. The both of you remained quiet for a few minutes, you calming down, and Houtarou regaining his pride.

 

“Yeah. I don’t like you.”

 

He finally looked at you, but there was no resentment or hurt in his green eyes. Just a neutral, focused, gaze.

 

“Why is that?”

 

“...I don’t like your attitude.”

 

Now it was his turn to laugh—if you could even call it that. His “laugh” was more of a quiet, tired, chuckle at most. You’d never heard the boy laugh, _really_ laugh.

 

“I guess I can understand that.”

 

You smiled a little. He wasn’t that bad for holding a conversation.

 

“Why do you feel inferior around me?”

 

“...You’re so different from me. You’re… not like me at all. You have your life together, your priorities straight… you know who you are. It intimidates me.”

 

This boy was just shocking you left and right. You were none of those things, but that’s how he saw you? He had such a sophisticated, and mature, outlook on you? It almost flattered you. However, it scared you, too. If that’s how _he_ saw you, and you barely ever spoke to him, imagine how others viewed you? The idea horrified you.

 

“I’m not like that at all.”

 

Maybe it was the tone you used, or the fact that your voice shook a little when you said it, but Houtarou's eyes were filled with such raw _concern_ , even you were worried.

 

You cleared your throat, you just needed to calm down. How ridiculous was this? Here you were, ready to spill your heart out, and to a guy you just now were sitting down to get to know?

 

“I mean…I guess… I might _look_ like I’ve got everything together…but I really don’t. I panic…and I procrastinate…and I…barely know who I am. I say I like things, but I don’t know the difference between liking, and loving, things. I don’t have one single thing I can put all my energy into so I just end up liking almost everything. I put all my effort into everything at once… hoping I’ll end up _loving_ something.”

 

You sat back, and sighed.

 

“God, sorry, that must’ve sounded so confusing. See? I don’t even know what I’m trying to tell you anymore. I guess—point is—I’m still trying to figure everything out, and this...setback, I guess you can call it, with my ex, and everything...is only…testing me.”

 

Houtarou had sat there, listening to every word, watching every frustrated gesture, every action of you attempting to get your thoughts out. He remained neutral, passive, neither judging nor encouraging.

 

You sank in your seat a little. Maybe you weirded him out. Maybe he was thinking you were a nutjob. Maybe he was regretting asking you out for a coffee. You were about ready to grab your things and get the hell out of there, but suddenly, his voice rang out.

 

“Has… the breakup screwed you up that bad?”

 

You didn’t say anything. You thought it over for a second, tossing the idea of if the breakup really had impacted you as much as you felt it did or if you were just being dramatic.

 

You finally settled on your answer.

 

Of course it did. Once your ex left, you questioned yourself more than you ever had. Your sense of self was incredibly unbalanced because of him. You questioned others more, now. Your sense of trust was unstable. Without you even noticing it, or maybe you were just ignoring it, your ex had ruined you. Your mental state was in chaos, always loud and filled with unanswerable questions. How did it get to this point? It was just a silly breakup, right? However, that mindset was just you trying to invalidate your own pain. You were hurting, and you were hurting bad. Ignoring the problem could only get you so far.

 

You even surprised yourself, more so Houtarou, but you were surprised at your own actions. Globs of hot tears filled your eyes to the brim, and rolled down your cheeks, unceasing and furious.

 

What happened next, thinking back on it, was hilarious. Houtarou panicked—thinking he hit an incredibly sore spot—felt guilty, and clumsily grabbed at nearby napkins, and rushed to your side to clean you up. You started sobbing like a child, the tears just wouldn’t stop. Houtarou, in his panic, just attacked your face wherever he saw wet, it was harsh and uncoordinated but he did his best.

 

He pulled out his wallet, grabbed some money, slammed it on the table, and grabbed you to book it out of the establishment. So much for coffee.

 

Once you were both out of the cafe, Houtarou lead you by the wrist to a nearby park bench. He left you by yourself to go buy yourselves some drinks from a nearby vending machine. After he was gone, you had time to relax and wallow in your self-pity. You were so pathetic, you would’ve laughed at yourself if you had the energy to. You had tuckered yourself out with all the crying. Now, you were just left with the endless waves of embarrassment, and regret. You cried in a public area, had people stare at you, and in front of the guy you dislike the most. You really let your guard down this time.

 

Houtarou returned with warm cans of black coffee. He handed you one, and cracked open his, taking thoughtful sips. You didn’t know if he was waiting for you to address the elephant in the room or to take your time regaining your composure. You assumed it was a little bit of both.

 

You cleared your throat, sniffed, and rubbed at your eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Houtarou didn’t say anything, but did side-eye you to let you know he was listening.

 

“I guess…” You chuckled pitifully, “...I’d been holding that back for a little while. No one’s...really asked...me that. I guess I put up a good front. People believe the same lies I tell myself.”

 

You palmed the warm drink between your hands, alternating which hand held onto it.

 

“To answer your question—even though I think my show was enough to let you know—the answer is, yes. Yes, the breakup did screw me up, that bad.”

 

You sniffed again, and rubbed your now-red nose.

 

Houtarou shifted uncomfortably, thinking over his next move.

 

“Do you want to get back at them?”

 

The question threw you off. You stopped moving around the can, and held it still in your hand.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, do you want revenge? Do you want to hurt them back? Make them feel what you’re—” He cleared his throat, “What _we’re_ feeling. I’m upset, too. I can’t...cry like that...to prove it to you…but I am. I don’t think this is fair.”

 

You didn’t answer immediately. Surprisingly, you believed Houtarou. You believed his emotions were genuine, and he wanted to do something. He wanted to do something to help you, help him, help soothe this heartache.

 

You giggled weakly, “The “energy-conserving” Houtarou wants to go out of his way to get revenge?”

 

Houtarou’s eyes widened, and he sputtered for a response.

 

“W-well! It’s-! It’s...just as you say...I…want to do this. Even if it’s energy-consuming.” He paused to sigh, and frustratedly ruffle his hair, “Being heartbroken is more energy-consuming than doing something about it.”

 

He muttered the last statement so quietly, and darkly, you almost didn’t hear him.

 

“Alright then, Houtarou Oreki, what’s your plan on this revenge? I’m on board. Although, it doesn’t mean we’re friends. I still don’t like your attitude.”

 

He smiled a little at this, “Don’t worry, I still don’t like yours either.”

 

You giggled and cracked open your drink, taking a sip of the bitter liquid.

 

“Perfect. So, plan?”

 

Houtarou fidgeted a little, tapping his fingers on his knee, he avoided answering the question for a minute.

 

“Since we don’t like each other, this plan should work smoothly. That’s the hitch, though.”

 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and you looked at him to find an answer.

 

Suddenly, Houtarou had this clean look of _determination_ , and seriousness, you hadn’t seen in a while. He turned his body towards yours, his emerald eyes probed yours, and in the little space between you guys, you kept your breathing shallow.

 

“(y/n), you have to promise to never like me for this plan to work. I don’t mean…” You noticed his cheeks start to warm up, and have a light tint of rosiness, “..in _that_ way—the way you liked your boyfriend, or the way I liked Chitanda. I mean...in a very broad, general, sense of the word. As a person, or a friend, you can’t like me. To avoid getting…” Oh, now his ears were turning a bit red, “..too _deep_ into the act…you can’t like me. I won’t like you. I’ll hold up my end, I’ll need you to hold up yours, okay? That’s all I need from you to have this plan work. Deal?”

 

You were startled, your were a little panicked, and nervous. What was he insinuating? Why couldn’t you like him? Not that you would, but why? What was this plan of his?

 

Your eyes searched his frantically, switching between them.

 

After a minute of silence, and him not responding anymore, you gave up. You turned your head to the side, let out a deep sigh, and relaxed a little. You looked at Houtarou once more, and nodded curtly.

 

“Okay, you got it. I won’t like you. I promise.”

 

Houtarou visibly relaxed, letting his shoulders slump a little. He sighed quietly, and drank his now-lukewarm coffee.

 

“So the plan is… we fake date.”

 

You expected anything, _but_ that.

 

“How…how would that help us achieve _anything_?”

 

“Look, I know it sounds crazy right now, but I know Chitanda, and you know your ex. If I were to pop up with a new girlfriend— _you_ out of all people—it would undoubtedly spark up Chitanda’s interest. She’d go crazy wondering about it. I’m guessing your ex doesn’t have a long patience streak, so this would send him off the edge.”

 

He wasn’t wrong. That’s probably one of the reasons you conditioned yourself to keep your complaining to a limit, and why you did your best to keep a well put-together front. It was for him. Secretly, deep-down, underneath everything, your ex was the motive behind a lot of your habits and personality traits.

 

Houtarou continued, “While he does that, Chitanda would probably be rejected, and want to investigate the _why_ we’re together on her own. If she does that, that would leave your ex alone, and he would try getting your attention again. I’m also guessing he’s an easily-bored kinda guy.”

 

How was he getting to these correct deductions? He was describing the probability of sequences fluidly, and without flaws. Your ex really was an “easily-bored kinda guy,” that’s why he left you in the first place. Aside from that, you noticed that nasty habit of his throughout the relationship. Even though he never cheated on you, per-say, he did have an inconvenient habit of getting closer to girls whenever you two had a disagreement. That habit of his led you to change yourself, to avoid that kind of situation. Houtarou was making you dig out memories, and consequences of the past that you had buried deep within yourself. You didn’t like it. It was unpleasant.

 

“If he’s like that, well then...I’m sure you could toy with him at your own liking and discretion. I advise you don’t get back together with him, though. This plan is solely to get revenge and give them a taste of their own medicine. Nothing more. If you expect more, you’ll just be hurt.”

 

Houtarou sure had thought this through. You wondered how long he had been stewing up this idea.

 

“What would you do with Chitanda if she goes on to search for you?”

 

“...I wouldn’t let her.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I wouldn’t give her that chance. She wanted to break up, I gave her that. I never once said no to her. I’m sure—even now, if she asked—I still wouldn’t be able to. Therefore, she won’t ever get the chance to approach me, or message me, or contact me in any way. She’ll just...see me. See me...and never—no matter how hard she tries—never be able to reach me. _That_ will be my revenge. She hates distance. It bothers her, makes her antsy. If I put enough distance, and change in front of her...it’d hurt her more than anything else.”

 

You didn’t know how to respond to that. Houtarou was really hurting. That answer was proof enough that he thought this through, and was ready for the consequences facing him and Chitanda. You didn’t know to console him.

 

You hesitantly, reached out a hand, and patted his head. Smoothing down his stray hair, you hoped to convey your empathy through the childish gesture.

 

He didn’t react or say anything, he simply sat there and let you comfort him.

 

He knew it, and you knew it, from that point forward there was no turning back.

 

It was revenge-city or bust.

 

So then, returning to the original question at hand, _why_ were you sitting with Houtarou Oreki at the same cafe you bawled your eyes out a month before, killing time before seeing a movie?

 

Well, it was a fake date, of course. You both had been fake dating for a month now.

 

You both agreed to go on fake dates to make the fake relationship seem more real to the eyes of others. More specifically, to the eyes of Chitanda Eru, and her boyfriend, your ex.

 

A month had passed, the promise on the park bench still rang true.

 

You still didn’t like Houtarou for his attitude, and he yours.

 

The fake relationship was still intact with fake feelings.

 

On this particular date—although, already having been on a dozen throughout the month—felt a little different.

 

Even if you didn’t like Houtarou, you had grown to notice his habits, his gestures, what he meant, what he didn’t mean, what he meant instead of what he said. Even though Houtarou didn’t like you, he had grown to notice your anxious fidgeting, when you were uncomfortable, when you wanted something, when you liked something but said it was just “okay”.

 

You had both grown to notice when the silence was something other than comfortable, when something was on the other’s mind.

 

This was one of those nights.

 

You couldn’t pinpoint when you noticed it, but Houtarou was off. He was quieter, more kept-to-himself, more unsure. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve brushed it off entirely.

 

“Did something happen today?”

 

He visibly stiffened, his hand curling up into a loose fist.

 

“...Not really.”

 

You frowned at this. All this time together and he still didn’t trust you?

 

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

 

He didn’t say anything, much less, react.

 

You gently reached a hand over his fist, carefully—delicately, pulling apart his fingers, and running small circles on his palm. You had held his hand multiple times throughout the month, mostly in front of others to emphasize the act, but sometimes on your own. Maybe it was just to keep the play going, or to fill in your loneliness, or both, you didn’t really know. You just knew you liked the feeling of someone else’s skin, even if it was just Houtarou.

 

This time around, however, it wasn’t for yourself. You wanted to comfort Houtarou, from whatever it was that was bothering him. You hoped to convey your intentions through the small gesture.

 

It seemed to get through to him because he soon curled his fingers around yours, holding your hand more securely. His hair shadowed his eyes, his gaze was downcast, so you weren’t sure what to make of the situation or how he was reacting to it. However, he gave your hand a small, but sure, squeeze, and that was enough. You rubbed small circles on his fingers, comfortingly.

 

The both of you stayed that way for a while, you were scared to pull away and scare him off when it seemed he finally trusted you with seeing him be vulnerable. You didn’t move, and took shallow, quiet breaths, to let him build up his courage to talk to you when he was ready.

 

He loosened his grip on your fingers, but didn’t let go.

 

“I spoke with her today.”

 

If you didn’t strain your hearing in desperation to hear what he has to say, you wouldn’t have heard it all from how _quietly_ he mumbled it.

 

“And? What happened?” You spoke softly, careful to not break the delicate bubble of security you had created around you both.

 

“She wants to get back together.”

 

You swore your heart almost stopped. At least, something was happening to it. It was bleeding. It was bruised. It wasn’t working right. Why was it hurting? Why did your chest hurt? This should be good news, right?

 

“What do _you_ want to do?”

 

“...I don’t know.”

 

You gave his hand an involuntary squeeze, causing him to look up at you, finally.

 

He had been crying.

 

His pretty green eyes looked tired. He looked so _tired_. His eyes were rimmed with red, and his nose was pink.

 

Suddenly, you couldn’t see. Everything was blurry. The image of the boy in front of you was blurry, and blotchy. You blinked your eyes quickly, causing thick droplets of tears to fall, and land with a satisfactory _drip_ onto the cafe table. Your heart hurt. You removed your hand from Houtarou’s, and clenched the fabric near your chest. Here you were again, crying, in the same cafe, with the same boy, watching you. Only this time, it wasn’t because you had been holding back your emotions, but because you were feeling new ones—new feelings that scared you—and you couldn’t control them. You ducked your head to avoid having Houtarou look at you cry straight on, even though he had already seen your crying face once before, and quite vividly at that.

 

You calmed yourself enough, to rub away your tears harshly, and speak a hurried excuse to Houtarou to allow yourself to leave. You left some money on the table, you didn’t pay attention to how much but you hoped it would be enough, and with that, you scurried out of the establishment.

 

You felt like such an idiot. Such a crybaby.

 

You dug yourself into this hole. You were given the shovel, and instead of putting it down, you dug a hole, and somersaulted right into it.

 

You were an idiot to believe in anyone but yourself.

 

Even then, you were an idiot, because you knew you lied to yourself the most.

 

After the cafe incident, you avoided Houtarou at all costs. You needed some space, and suspected, he did too. You figured he was wrestling over how to tell you he was going to kill the fake relationship, and leave you to rejoin his real, dream one.

 

You tried thinking of the bright side of all this, at least everyone won, in some way.

You won, because if Houtarou went back to Chitanda, that would mean you achieved your revenge, and gave your ex a taste of his own medicine. Houtarou obviously won because he got back his first love. Chitanda won for the same reason. The only loser would be your ex, but you figured he deserved it, so you didn’t really care.

 

You thought of the bright side like that, and repeated it to yourself like a mantra. You clung onto the idea of everyone winning some, to keep yourself calm.

 

You were finally accepting you were going to lose Houtarou’s company. Even if you both argued over idiotic things, and used each other to fill in the loneliness, and were together over a silly agreement, you had someone to share your emotions and experiences with. Even if you didn’t like Houtarou, he would always be there to listen no matter what. If you needed to talk to him at 2 am because of a bad dream, he would grumble about how late it was, but never complain. If you wanted company going somewhere, he would comply. If you just wanted to see him, he would say you’re odd, but never send you off.

 

He was always there. Silent, and listless, but he was there, supporting you.

 

You were going to miss that.

 

For the millionth time this month, you were crying again. This time, it was for a reason you never thought you would cry over.

 

You were crying over losing Houtarou Oreki.

 

As you turned the corner on your way home, your sight blurred by your familiar tears, you noticed a blob sitting along the low brick wall.

 

You rubbed away your tears, clearing your vision. As you approached the figure, the closer you got, the more familiar it seemed. Your heart was caught in your throat, you didn’t want to believe it.

 

Yet, there he was, in all his lifeless, listless, glory.

 

Houtarou Oreki, waiting for you.

 

When you got close enough, Houtarou turned his attention from his shoes, to you.

 

You had almost forgotten how pretty his emerald eyes could be.

 

You didn’t say anything. Although you hated to admit it, you were drinking in his image. Memorizing every detail, and putting it into storage, just in case this was the inevitable end.

 

Each detail was being filed away. Every stray away, every lock of brown hair, each green iris, the shape of his hands, his lips, his form, the way he breathed. All of it. None of it was being ignored.

 

Finally, he spoke, and you were ready to even memorize his voice, to make sure you never forgot it.

 

“I rejected Chitanda.”

 

Although you were ready to hear the opposite of that, and just wanted to hear his voice, you didn’t expect to hear those words tumble out of his mouth.

 

You stared at him in disbelief, almost forgetting the embarrassing streaks of wet tears on your cheeks. You quickly turned away, and rubbed them away. You faced him again, and made sure to not look at him so boldly.

 

You kept your eyes to the side, waiting. Was that all he wanted to say? Why was he telling you?

 

You heard his shoes hit the pavement, and get closer, until he was inches from you.

 

“Why are you telling me?”

 

“I had to let you know.”

 

You scoffed. He didn’t have to let you know anything. You weren’t his mother. He wasn’t _obligated_ to tell you _anything_.

 

“Well thanks for letting me know, I guess.”

 

You felt ridiculous. You wished he would quit prolonging the inevitable and just kick you to the curb already. Why was this bothering you so much? Why did he bother you so much? Why did the idea of him leaving you alone bother you so much? This was supposed to a no-emotional-strings-attached kind of deal. So why were you _feeling_ so much?

 

“I have something else I have to let you know about too.”

 

Oh god, here we go. Finally, the band-aid will be stripped in one swift, clean, move. After this, you’ll be free to go home and cry your heart out, no repercussions. You’ll be done with Houtarou Oreki forever, just like you’ve always dreamed about. Right?

 

It seemed like you waited for hours, even though it was probably only a few minutes.

 

_Just say it. Just say it. Just say it. End it. End it. End it. Kill it. Kill it. Kill it._

 

“I broke our promise.”

 

What? What was he talking about? Promise? What promise?

 

You didn’t move an inch, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You almost laughed.

 

You moved your hand to rub your face, exasperatedly. He was mentally tormenting you, and you were exhausted.

 

“Houtarou, what’re you talking about? Can we just end this? I’m tired, I want to go home. I’ve been crying all week, all month, I’m _tired_ . This is annoying. I hate feeling so much, all at once. If you have something to say, just _say it_. I’m tired. I just want—”

 

You were cut off by something soft on your lips. It was warm, comforting, easing, and melted into yours. To your surprise, Houtarou had cut off your little ranting session by placing his lips on yours. You guessed that was one way of shutting you up.

 

You wrestled with the idea of kissing back for a second, but eventually gave in, and lost yourself in the sweet moment. Your eyes fluttered shut, and your fingers found themselves weaving into his mess of hair, and you found that your lips molded themselves perfectly with his. Even more perfectly than they could ever be with your ex. You didn’t know a kiss could make you feel so warm, so whole.

 

Slowly, the both of you pulled away, eyes never leaving the others’. Both breathless, and rosy-cheeked, you couldn’t wrap your head around what just happened.

 

“(y/n), I tried. I did my best. I went down every road to avoid making it happen, but I broke our deal.”

 

Finally, you understood.

 

However, just because you understood, didn’t mean you didn’t want to hear it straight from his mouth.

 

“What deal did you break?”

 

You meant to keep your eyes on his, but you have a bad habit of wandering, and they only ended up on his slightly swollen lips.

 

He must’ve noticed because he gave you a quick, chaste kiss.

 

“I promised… to… never… like… you…” In between short, soft, kisses, he made his point across, “But…” one last kiss, “I’m crazy about you.”

 

You were delighted, to say the least. You felt every kind of cheesy, cliche, romantic, emotion swell within you. It must’ve overflowed because your eyes glowed, and your smile was blinding.

 

It had been awhile since you had seen Houtarou’s green eyes sparkle, and you mean, _really_ , sparkle. In this instance, they were easy emeralds glittering in the sun. Had you ever been this happy? This excited? This embarrassed? Had you ever held this many happy emotions all at once? You couldn’t recall. Not even one event, not even with your ex. Nothing could compare to how pink and rosy the world looked to you right now, in this moment. With Houtarou holding your hand gently, touching your fingers delicately, his green eyes devoted to yours.

 

“Why’d you choose me? How’d you know I wanted more from this?”

 

Houtarou smiled, almost like he was waiting for you to ask so he could be given the pleasure to answer.

 

“You cared for me more than anyone ever did. You _cried_ for me. I realized it when we went to the cafe. You cried because _I_ was hurting, and that hurt _you_ . Over this past month, I’ve learned more about you, about myself, and...how much I like you. I just _like_ you. Everything about you. You understand me without saying a thing. You empathize with me. You don’t agree with me on everything. You argue with me, and try to better me in more ways than I can count. I’ve noticed things about you that I want to protect. You deserve so much. I want to give you everything I can, and more. Figuring out you wanted more from this was easy, it was having you come to the conclusion of your own feelings was what was difficult. You know now, right?”

 

Everything was blurry, your eyes had filled with tears again. He had said everything you had ever wanted to hear from someone. He said what your ex refused to say. He liked you, for you. He liked you for everything you were, and were not. He noticed how much you cared for him, and wanted to reciprocate those wholesome intentions. You wanted to protect him, and he you. That was more than you could have ever asked for.

 

The tears slipped out again, and rolled down your pink cheeks. Houtarou only chuckled, and gently rubbed them away. You held back breaking down and blubbering, you still had to give him your response.

 

You nodded fervently, not finding it in you to voice your thoughts yet, in case your voice broke.

 

“I know now. I like you, Houtarou. God, I tried so hard. I avoided it, but yes. I like you.”

 

He smiled gently, and placed a comforting hand on top of your head, smoothing down your hair.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“I still don’t like your attitude, though.”

 

Houtarou just laughed, his familiar soft chuckle.

 

Thinking back on it, you noticed that the “I hate you’s” turned into “I don’t like you’s” to “I like you’s”, and after more time, came the “I love you.”

 

When it did happen, you didn’t second guess yourself, but you did cry—unsurprisingly.

 

Houtarou still laughed, his familiar soft chuckle, and wiped away your tears for you.  

**Author's Note:**

> So, not to be that person, but I was literally inspired by a twt post I saw about three days ago. Conveniently, I've been watching Hyouka, and absolutely fell in love with Houtarou. I hope this does something to stir somebody's emotions, I hope it was a pleasant read. I worked hard on it, and did my best. Hope you guys found something to like from this. :>
> 
>  
> 
> (also, P.S. I hope Houtarou wasn't too OOC for you guys, I did my best to keep his personality intact but I also let my imagination wander at times, my bad)


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